I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
