ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
