somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
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