I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
