My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
