Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Randomize
