Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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