Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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