I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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