Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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