Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
