He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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