I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
