new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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