Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
