3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
