i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize