Nicole vs. Life
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
