I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
