She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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