I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
