Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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