But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
