Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
