people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
