p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We just shotgunned beers for America
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
