the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
