i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
