bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
