it was like his penis was on wheels.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
