i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
