I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
