Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize