did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Randomize
