it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
