No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize