Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
