Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
