yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
