Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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