How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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