I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
