I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
