I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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