get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
