I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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