Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
