The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
