His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
