All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
