idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
