Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
