Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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