i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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