Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
