note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
