Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
