Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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