can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize