I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
