i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
