Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
