you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
