These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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