We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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