Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
even my farts smell like vagina
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
