True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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