it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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