guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
