I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
