He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
