he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
