I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I don't deserve a penis
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
