It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize