Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Randomize
