Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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