I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
