i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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