Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I want a musical about memes.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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