i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
