We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
