Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
