i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
