the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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