im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
