That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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