i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
