Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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