Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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