ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you didnt know i had herpes?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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