you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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