No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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