I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
