you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
