I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
