She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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