I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
that may or may not have been my penis.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
