His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
