Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize