Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
