Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
