yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Your cock deserves a montage
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
