It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
