the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
