hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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