Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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