from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
