My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
