the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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